MY HUSBAND’S EYES ARE BROKEN
My husband’s eyes are broken. I noticed at the weekend when my friend Kate came over. Adam couldn’t raise his gaze above her breasts. She plied him with conversation but I think the damage is too far gone – he couldn’t get them past her Victoria Secret B-cups.
I think it’s infectious. The pair of them disappeared for a few hours that same day. Kate asked Adam to go with her to get her truck serviced. She said having a man with her would make all the difference. My husband agreed instantly. He’s so thoughtful. When they returned, I knew something was up. Kate couldn’t raise her eyes above her feet. I dunno – maybe it’s like contagious conjunctivitis or something. Well, I stayed out of their way and got on with making a lovely gooseberry pie. I washed my hands of course. You can’t be too careful and I don’t want to get whatever bug they have.
Anyway, I think there must be some kind of epidemic. A few days later I was out with my very young friend, Abby. She asked how things were between me, Adam and Kate. I thought it odd that she grouped the three of us, but Abby’s always been a bit weird. She has a unicorn tattoo on her neck. Thing was, she couldn’t raise her gaze above my neck-line, either. She mentioned she saw Adam and Kate coming out of the ‘Bunny Love” motel – which happens to be right next to the service station so maybe they went in for a quick wash.
“Perhaps they were both feeling a bit dirty?” I suggested. “Those service stations can be nasty.”
Come to think of it, when Abby saw them she was all the way across the street, so perhaps the infection is airborne? I mentioned this thought.
“There’s something in the air alright,” Abby agreed. She’s so wise for her years.
This afternoon my sister Joanna and I had our regular Friday Skype session. She lives all the way across town but I noticed she had trouble looking at the screen. Well it seems the bug has made it over there now, too. She asked how things were with Adam. Wow, news travels fast. Oh, the joys of living in a small town.
“I’m sorry to say Adam is much worse,” I said. “He barely spoke two words over breakfast and can’t take his eyes off the floor. He must really be suffering, poor thing. I told him to call the doctor but he just turned away, shook his head and grunted. He’s so brave.”
“He’s certainly something, Deidre” Joanna agreed.
“Not to worry,” I said. “I’m sure he’ll be back to his old self in no time at all.”
“Whatever he has might take a while longer to fix than that,” Joanna snorted. She always was a pessimist.
Me, I like to look on the bright side. Everyone might be broken for a bit but they will get better. I will count my blessings as I have the full use of both eyes and see everything perfectly clearly.